A not so as expected HAPPENING weekend

Note: Being scribbled on request from a fellow at work. 

Prologue: The weekend was coming and I was ecstatic of what was to come. A fixed internet with no download limit. Some petty chores that mom would handle and a hand in the kitchen.

The tale narrated of the actual happenings consists of a skewed chronology and disheveled facts.

Dear Reader,

tale of the WEEKEND:


So here it goes. Saturday morning was not as good as it was expected to be. Whom should I be calling the culprit is actually a matter of dilemma. The possible suspects include the internet guy, the locksmith and my mom.

My dream of accessing the 'Youtube' and 'Gtalk' and 'Facebook' and probably 'LinkedIn' was shattered as the internet guy never showed up. Saturday went by and so did Sunday. The stupid fellow not only forgot turning up at the scheduled place on the scheduled time but also decided to leave his phone unattended. To add insult to injury the bugger had 'itni shakti hamein dena data' as his ringtone.

I figured one can live without the Internet through a weekend. But who knew the stupid malls would be down for a hoax bomb threat. After having driven 10 odd kilometers in the scorching heat and been shoved off the mall soon after the sweat had evaporated I had to head back. The best thing was the drive back home. It was as if the entire Delhi had decided to visit the malls after reading the news of the BOMB threat which fortunately I did not because of the SHAKTI i got.

After having driven back home at around lunch time, as soon as I was about to put the first bite in my mouth, the doorbell rang. The locksmith's fellow came and said 'Didi aaj nahi ho paayega, kal subah subah aakar kar denge.' The rice, dal and sabji was not half bad after that without any interruptions. However, my mom did not pretty much like my expression at lunch and handed over the department of dinner to me.

What happens when you try to add boiled vegetables to steaming oil? Precisely !!! Three tiny droplets of healthy heart strengthening sunflower oil, not so healthy for tanned skin, splash at you and remind you the basic tenets of cooking. As though the flowers had not quite bloomed the honey bee came flying by. Don't ever try to garnish your veggies with a BOTTLE of red chili powder. The tap did not actually behave like a tap. Instead an entire chunk came rolling by adding spice not only to the veggies but also kissing the sweet polished skin garnished with oil. After the herculean task of de-chillofying the sabji I was exhausted. The gods were still showering their blessings on me. As soon as mom took her first bite she ran for water as a camel runs after seeing an oasis. This was followed by a not so good chat about BASIC culinary skills. When you are exhausted, you are not allowed to have a silent cool atmosphere for sleeping. The Delhi State Electricity Board (DSEB) had decided to take a four hour off between 10 PM to 2 AM to let a few malaria patients hit the scarcely populated public hospitals. Well after all the bites there wasn't enough blood running in my veins to actually be awake. It felt as though I was a fairy riding on a magic carpet.

The effect of the magic carpet ride became evident by the banging of the door bell at 8 in the morning. The voice said 'Memsaab, woh taala thik karne aaye hai'. My entire right hand was bejeweled with zillions of red dots. Anyways since the DSEB had obliged to work on a Sunday morning I was happy to ride the magic carpet again. It felt as though the Gods were partying and they had invited the BEST orchestra. The players were gifted with skills of making tunes from blades and nails. They also had enough stamina to bang the drums hard through the day. Well things never turned out to be the way I had expected. The bloody locksmith allowed me to feel the knocking at heaven's door till 6 in the evening. Mom then decided that I should be taught first hand. Her feelings felt more like of getting to have a standby cook. And after all that the Gods went to play leaving behind their gate-man - my alarm clock to SCREAM on time on Monday morning so that I could come and narrate all this crap to a fellow blogger. Also there is a word of caution been told to the blogger. The words should come out to be as intended, which if doesn't happen guarantees severe trauma for the week ahead.

Best regards,
Fellow at work